I'm only here till the pills kick in.

So I'm awake.  It's "only midnight" but I like to be asleep early, ok?  I don't know why, I just feel like it's good to be in bed around 11:30.  I might not have to wake up early, but I don't want to fuck up my sleeping schedule and become that person again who sleeps till noon and only has repeats of Grey's Anatomy to look forward to on the Lifetime channel.

I love my Starbucks mug.
Drinking a quart of iced tea at 9:00 PM was not a good idea.  The coffee I sustained myself upon today seemed like a good idea.  Yesterday I got a new coffee maker since my old one broke.  Something must have happened to it when I moved because whenever I put more than 2 cups of water in it, the damn thing would leak and piss all over the counter.  So my boyfriend ordered this sweet thing off of Amazon and I made my first brew this morning and WHOO is it strong!  I had no idea how much my previous coffee maker was under performing.  I wasn't really hungry today, so all I had was coffee till like 4:00 PM.  That's when I was all shaky and running in circles and generally starting 100 projects at once and not really completing anything.  I didn't know what to do really... so I figured if I ate something it would absorb the caffeine much in the way food will help you be less drunk.

I made a Hungry Girl egg mug with egg whites, Laughing Cow light cheese and some honey turkey.  At this point I was really hungry, so I sliced off a thick hunk of Red, White & Blue bread (a cranberry-blueberry bread from Wegman's) and topped that with Brie and black & red raspberries from Alstede Farm. It dawned on me how ridiculous it was that I was eating sugar-crusted bread with creamy Brie on it along side the lowest-calorie possible food I could make.  Whatever, I liked it.  

Around dinner time, I wasn't really hungry, but cooked anyways because the boyfriend?  He is hungry when he comes home from work and he likes to eat food.  I made steak, chipotle-lime corn and roasted garlic broccoli.  I also drank a quart of iced tea, no lie.  I wasn't hungry, but I really wanted tea.  That was not the best idea. 

You ever go to the store and feel like you're about to be judged about what you're buying?  I always feel really self-conscious when I'm at the drug store.  Not in the way of I'm embarrassed about having my period, I don't give a fuck, I'll bleed all up and down the aisles of Walgreens.  I'll do a jaunty flamenco dance with tampons for all I care.  My vagina bleeds, what a surprise.  I'm a female of child-bearing age, you gotta understand that Carrie is gonna go to the prom at some point during the month. 

The other day when I was looking especially haggard from humidity, cleaning the house, rain, and just looking generally shitty, I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions and a couple other things I need.  One of those things was earplugs.  My boyfriend snores pretty bad and I need silence to sleep, so most nights I use earplugs.  Buying that in itself is not a concern.  Since losing my job and moving and thinking about my upcoming divorce finalization (that's another post), I hadn't been sleeping well so I bought some OTC sleeping pills.  Ok... so earplugs and sleeping pills, that shows the cashier I have some problems sleeping.  Since I was there picking up my scripts, I went to pay for my extra items at the pharmacy counter for my pills... an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety medication.  Add all these four things together, I feel like the cashier is going to call the suicide hotline for me, or at least give me a hug and tell me it's all going to be ok.  Looking at my frizzy, baggy-eyed, sloppy-t-shirt-wearing rain-drenched self asking for uppers, downers and buying earplugs and sleeping pills all at the same time... I don't know, I just feel like there should be some kind of buzzer that goes off in their system for them to help out.  I'm glad they didn't, but fuck, I'd be worried about me a little bit.  But then again, have you ever MET a pharmacy cashier that gave even 1/10th of a fuck about anything? 

Anyways, my point here was that I'm awake because of Night Caffeine and that's the name of my blog and I hope my sleeping pill kicks in soon.

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