30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 17 through 24

I suck at this challenge.  I stopped at Day 17 because it's hard to find a picture of my whole family together.

Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.

 Here are a few photos because it's hard to find us all together....


My brother Anthony & I at my cousin's wedding in June
Me, My Granmier (dad's mom) and aunt (dad's sister)
All my family on my Dad's side
Aunt April, me, my mom (from that time I got married once)

My aunt and I wearing silly hats
Family not pictured:  my dad, on account of him being dead and all.  My dad's dad, also in Heaven.  My mom's dad, probably not in heaven, but is dead, my mom's mom because she is crabby and hates me. 


Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.


This is going to sound weird, but the flavor I crave the most is vinegar.  I'm always craving acidic foods.  Or cilantro.


Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.


mirror pic with my iphone.

For anyone wondering why I'm called "The Claw"...


Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.


Night Caffeine is pretty self explanatory.  It's caffeine that you have at night.  Sometimes I  get all jacked up on coffee late in the evening and then I'm up all night starting a blog or getting trapped in a kitten-video loop on the internet.  Night Caffeine is what you make it.


Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.


Here is a collage of many of the people, drinks and animals that make me happy....

you can click for larger size.




Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently. A letter to someone who broke my heart.



To someone who broke my heart....
Dear ______,

When we were together I had so much fun.  You were and still are so cute, quirky, original and fun to be around.  Why did I never feel like I was good enough for you though?  You never did anything to me to make me feel this way, but being around you made me judge myself, as though who I was just wasn't good enough.  That's not your fault, really, but you're always going to hold a place in my heart that has me questioning who I was, who I am, and what we could have been if I'd just been more comfortable being myself.  There was also something about "us" together that hurt me, because after we broke up, and you were with someone else, I always wondered "why her and not me?"  In my head, I was never pretty enough, hip enough, mature enough or cool enough for you.  I'm glad I said goodbye to you when I did.  I still like you as a person, I just think we could have been better, best friends even, if we had never been anything resembling a couple.  It took me so long to get over you, and I don't think I'll ever get over the feelings that being with you brought up in me about how I feel about myself.  I'm still not pretty enough or cool enough or interesting enough.  But I try... everyday I try to be the best most vivid version of myself I possibly can.

To someone who hurt me recently....
Dear Mom,
I expected more.  But then again I didn't expect much at the same time.  I just wish things could have been different, and I hope you get your act together enough to let you back into my life.  I won't pretend everything is OK just to have you in it, and I won't put my feelings aside just to fake some sort of relationship, because it would be phony.  I have so much resentment towards you, and I can't get over that and I can't get over your lies.  That's all I guess.  I'm sad about this but I'm through compromising when I'm constantly hurt by you over and over again.  I also know you said I'm "just like gramma" because you are manipulative and hurtful.  I'm done feeling sorry for you.  You don't deserve me.

Day 23 – 15 facts about you.


1.  I know how to play the flute, and always feel guilty I never kept up playing.
2.  I'm mostly lactose intolerant, but it's sporadic.  Sometimes I'll get cramps and sickness from eating ice cream or drinking milk, other times nothing will happen.  It's Russian Roulette that I will play forever. 
3.  I am so addicted to Pepsi Throwback that I'm not allowed to bring it in the house anymore.
4.  I look so good in hats but I never wear them. 
5.  I really like the Siriacha rooster sauce.  I'm considering bringing it with me to a BBQ later today.
6.  I'm 25% black ... my dad's dad was a black man, but I don't know any of his biological family.
7.  I'm a picker.  My worst habit is picking at my face.
8.  I'm also a perpetual hair twirler and I am always touching my hair.
9.  I'm on anti-depressants and I'm not sure if they are working anymore.  Usually if I'm on a blogging hiatus, it's because I'm having a "WTF is the point of my stupid life" marathon.
10. I had a blood clot in my right calf in 2003 and it's affected my leg circulation ever since; I'm prone to swelling, it sucks.
11. I'm not completely sure that I want kids.  I like the hypothetical idea of a happy family, but I'm not so sure I have the patience for a child or the selflessness to do it properly.   
12. I give a fake name in Starbucks, not because I'm paranoid of my identity or privacy, but because they always screw up my name.  I just say I'm Jen.
13. Watching Greys Anatomy makes me think that I should have been a surgeon.
14. I usually don't try on clothes in a store, it's a hassle.  I just buy my size, bring it home and hope for the best.
15. I remember most of my dreams. 

Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.


i love this mug.

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