30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 27

Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?

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 That's me last summer.  At a baseball game, baking for a BBQ and petting animals at the farm.  I was blonde then, and I'm brunette right now.  I'm going back to blonde soon.  I was out of a job then, and I'm out of a job again.  Have I changed?  Am I wiser or healthier or smarter or happier?  It's hard to say.  I feel kind of low right now, to be honest.  I feel like nothing has really changed, that I'm some sort of epic failure who can't hold down a steady job if her life depended upon it.  I finally found what I loved doing, and lost that job.  I'm trying like hell to get back at it, to get back there, but it's just so hard.  How have I changed?  I feel like I've lost a lot of hope.  

This isn't an uplifting blog post, is it.  Shit is getting real over here.  It's come to my attention that for so long, I just did what I had to in order to survive after being abandoned, so to speak, by my mother when my father died.  She gave up being a mom and I had to do what I had to do just to keep a roof over my head.  Now I look at my life and I feel like I've accomplished literally nothing.  I'm alive.  I have nothing to be proud of, I've worked hard for no goals and I'm afraid to even try anything because I'm such a failure in my own eyes.  Even just the one thing I could do for myself, lose weight, I'm not doing.  I'm the same weight I was a year ago.  NOTHING about me has changed.  I suck a lot.