One day, or gradually, I decided that I did not need to take antidepressants any longer. Part of this was because I felt like through behavioral changes and challenging myself more, I could be better on my own. The other part of this was the fact that I do not have health insurance, and though that is depressing all on its own, I can't really afford to take wah-wah pills no more. I can't even afford to get Xanax for a good time.
The turning point for me was in December when my friend Bernadette came to visit for a few days. Just those few days of being with her, and also holding myself to a real schedule was all it took to put both wheels back on the track again.
But it is days like this when I realize how easily I can be thrown right off that track again and want to descend into the pit of despair.
I am really bummed out right now. I've been looking for work for a while, and things are finally starting to pick up again with the fact that I'm getting interviews more. I've been on 3 in the past week! Today I had what I thought would have been a promising interview. It was so close to home that I could walk there, the job description fit me and my skill set so great. When I sent in my resume, I had high hopes! If the compensation for this job had been listed, I would not have applied at all.
As far as interviews go, it was great, I got along great with both the people I met with, and they were very impressed by my experience. So how you gonna offer a bitch with my expertise $10 measly dollars an hour??? How?? That does not pay anything!
Today was a lousy day. It was rainy and windy and still, I was in high hopes when I walked to this job interview 3 blocks away. Walking home though, I felt so dejected I just wanted to throw myself into a storm drain. I just know they're going to offer me the job, and I don't want it. I'm pretty sure I make better money being unemployed. I'm just so sad. Employers are taking advantage of the fact that there is an abundance of people out there that need jobs and treating them like crap because of this. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've been reassured by people "It's not you, it's this economy" but fuck that shit already. How come the only people currently who seem to want to hire me are not willing to pay me a fair wage? Fuck man.
I'm really depressed and want to just lay in my crabitat indefinitely, however I'm not going to let this derail me. I'm just gonna keep on going and eventually someone has to hire me at the salary I deserve, right?
Labels: depression, work